Hysteria

This is funny:

Inspired by the “Toy Gun” buyback program recently initiated by Hayward California’s Strobridge Elementary School principal Charles Hill, Vice President Joe Biden is scheduled to announce today White House backing of a new “Imaginary Gun” buyback program.

“We have been plagued by a recent rash of imaginary gun incidents in our nation’s schools,” said Biden spokesman Aldous Orwell. “Children live in terror because of rampant imagination.”

Step One of the program would entail registration of imaginary weapons in a National Imaginary Terror Weapon Information Tracking System (NITWITS). Educators will help students fill out a form from NITWITS to see if their imaginations are producing unacceptable thoughts involving a weapon of any kind. . .

Step Two will involve conditioning the “At Risk” students to “trade-in” their unacceptable actions, like pointing their fingers and saying “bang,” or pretending to hold a sword while making “schwing” or “ting! tang!” sounds, for more correct thoughts – like rejecting gender stereotypes, or performing community service activities.

Read the whole thing. What’s so brilliant about this is that it is so very nearly true. When schools are disciplining children for imaginary guns or symbolic representations of guns, it’s not about keeping children safe, it’s about thought police.

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